Dafney Harper

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Monday, February 24, 2014

Post D&C and Weekend Things

After a long week, we were really looking forward to the weekend.  Thursday we got a ton of snow…so I was really happy to have stayed home on Thursday with Dafney.  I think I mentally needed the day off anyway. 

Wednesday was the D&C and considering the situation, physically I felt alright afterwards.  It was sort of a blur of a day, which I’m sure is probably not a bad thing.  I went in to the Dr.’s office in the morning to have something done prior to the D&C.  It wasn’t painful, but it was a bit uncomfortable.  Afterwards, I went home and rested for a couple hours until we needed to be at the Hospital.

We left for the Hospital around 10:45am so we could be there at 11:15.  We checked in and they brought us back to the waiting room.  I had so many things going through my head at that time.  I was sad, nervous, anxious, and scared.  When the Nurse called my name, I went back to the pre-op room.  She asked me a ton of questions and then had my Hubby come back so we could meet with the Doctor prior to heading into the OR.  I felt a little better when the Hubby was sitting with me – he kept my mind occupied and helped me relax a bit.  Shortly before heading back to the OR, the Doctor came in to explain the procedure and what to expect afterwards in recovery.  Then the Anesthesiologist came in to explain how the anesthesia worked for this particular procedure.  About 5 minutes after that, they were ready for me.  I remember walking into the room – I started shaking; partly because I was cold and partly because I was ungodly nervous.  They had me lay up on the table and I started to cry.  It was my last moments with Bean; in my head, I said a little prayer for him/her.  The Nurses were asking me a few questions and then they gave me the anesthesia and that’s the last I remember.  I woke up in the recovery room when they took the breathing tube out.  I was pretty out of it and had a hard time keeping my eyes open.  20 minutes or so after “waking up”, the Nurse brought me some ice chips and crackers, which helped to wake me up a bit.  She asked if I was ready to head to the “discharge” room and I said “sure”.  Right as I was getting in the room, my Hubby came in which again was a relief.  He said that the Doctor said everything went well and that the baby was measuring between 10-11 weeks.  Once the Nurse came in to explain the meds, side effects, what-to-expect & to answer questions, we headed out.  It was sad to leave the Hospital under those circumstances. 

I’ve had my ups and downs over the past few days.  At times, I feel really sad and cry {uncontrollably} and other times, I’m really positive and look forward to other things such as warm weather, spending more quality time with Dafney and even a little excitement to try again.  I’ve had some moments when I feel really angry and all I want to do is punch a wall.  Obviously I wouldn’t actually punch a wall, but that angry stage is a tough one. 

I’m still struggling with the fact that I feel like I must have done something wrong.  I continually play back things in my head and wonder what happened.  I will probably never know why this happened, but I think in these kinds of situations, it’s human to want to place blame somewhere.    I hate to be such a downer & I have one more post on this whole situation in the works and then I plan to never speak of this again {well, never say never, I guess}. 

On to happier, more fun things!  Let’s chat about the weekend, shall we?

For whatever reason, I’ve come to realize Mother Nature hates nice weather {or at least what I consider nice weather}.  We got dumped on Thursday night/Friday.  First we got a nice layer of rain/sleet and then we got hit hard with piles and piles of snow.  Awesome.  Plain and simple, I’ve had it with this weather…enough already.  I want warmth, sun and absolutely NO SNOW.  Is that really too much to ask for?  Because of this amazing weather, hubby spent most of his Friday night: shoveling, plowing and pushing cars out of the alley.  So much for a quiet night in.  Actually, by Friday I was so exhausted from the week’s happenings that I was ready for bed by about 6pm.  But, I forced myself to stay up at least until my 2 year old went to bed.

Saturday was a busy day {which was nice to keep my/our mind off everything}.  We took our weekly trip to Target, cleaned the house and spent some major time in the kitchen.  We had Hubby’s sisters & their family’s over on Saturday evening to see the house, play games and hang out.  And boy, was it a much needed FUN night.  We played games, enjoyed LOTS of really tasty food and we even got to show off our new house!  It was a rather late night, but totally worth the exhaustion I felt the next day. 

Sunday I took Dafney to some friends of ours so she could have a playdate with her little friend “E”.  When those two get together they have a great time!  I felt like Dafney was probably picking up a bit on the stress & sadness during the week, so I thought it was perfect to let her play for a couple hours.  Plus, it’s one of my best friends, so it was nice to chat with her. 

Looking forward to a brand new week.  Hoping that we can start the healing process and start to look forward to what’s in store for us & our family.  It will take time, but we will get there.

Happy Monday & for those of us in the ARCTIC, stay warm!

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